Hey, you, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Who wants to be famous?!

I have a checklist you need to complete if you want to be a presenter on any "hip/cool" new magazine show:

• Do you conform to the populist image of the day?
• Do you have a quirky personality?
• Do you have an irritating/grating accent?
• Do you have no shame?
• Are you prepared to sell your soul to the celebrity obsessed society that the rest of the world has become?
• Do you wish to perform acts of verbal fellatio upon those who should not be famous themselves?
• Are you easily sculpted by those who believe they know better than you?
  

If so...

Welcome to the 21st century. Enjoy your stay.