Monday, 29 March 2010

Why Batman Is Awesome #1: "Radion. Toxic to your kind. I sealed the bullet that killed Orion in my belt for inspection. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

Batman is awesome.

No matter what. No matter you throw at him, he's awesome. Break his back and he returns a year later and beats you and yours to shit. Break his sanity and he reveals that he was expecting it and created a back-up personality capable of kicking your ass straight back to Arkham. Bury him alive... and, well, I'll show you later.

Batman, Bruce Wayne I mean, is currently lost in the past, due to the Forth World dark god Darkseid's Omega Sanction, a sort of teleportation effect that makes the target live through progressively worse lives until their souls are ground to dust.

What Batman did was, he let go of all his baggage about guns, about his agonisingly difficult past, and to save the world he shot the dark god of evil in the shoulder-- he shot to wound-- with a bullet forged from radioactive isotope known as Radion, the one thing that can kill a "New God". He shot a god in the shoulder and saved the universe from the dread shadow that loomed over humanity.

Batman never uses guns. But in this moment, because he knew that he had no other choice, he loaded a god-killing bullet into a god-killing gun and he shot a god. He shot a god.

A point to make: Darkseid was the one who made the bullet. He made the bullet to kill his son, Orion, the dog of war, because of prophecies that announced that the son shall kill the father, and the only way to take him down was to build a bullet-- and shoot it backwards through time. The same bullet that killed Orion helped to kill Darkseid.

And Darkseid, because he's a savvy fucker, sent Batman through all kinds of Hell with his Omega Sanction. He sent Batman into a place where there was no escape. No way to get help. Except he's Batman, mother fucker, and there's always a way when Bruce Wayne is involved.

Regardless, Batman's last word before this went down?


So this is how Batman ended up.


Except! Except that's not him and it's actually an evil clone created by Darkseid's minions but more on that later when Dick Grayson, the current Batman, attempts to resurrect his fallen mentor in a Lazarus Pit but discovers Darkseid's evil machinations!

No, this is where Batman ended up.

He's in your past. And he's painting on your walls-- message to the future, mother fuckers!

And where's Bruce Wayne, the Batman, now?

He's in Caveman times, mother fucker, and he's about to beat y'all to shit.


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